Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a Chef’s Life for Me

The Addiction

I walk in. It is dark. There are Chianti bottles that are being used for candlelight. The type of Chianti bottles that have the wicker bottoms. Dark wood tables. Dark chairs. There is Frank Sinatra playing from the speakers. The older woman comes over and the party is rushed to the table. These bread balls that have chopped garlic, oil, herbs, and this dusting of parmesan are all over them.

Next, this cup hits the table. I look down and see white beans, reddish sauce. These little pastas of circles and holes. There is celery floating inside. I take a small spoonful and as it comes closer to my mouth I smell the aromas of tomato and garlic. It is a thick viscous liquid backed with parmesan flavor. I am captivated by this magical elixir.

I finish that.

This plate is set in front of me. Golden brown, with this melted cheese and red sauce all over it. I take my first forkful and I am instantly tantalized by all these nuances of flavors that hit me. I bite, back the fork out of my mouth and begin to chew.

I smiled.

That day I became addicted to food.

I was just five years old.

To this day, I judge every Italian place against that memory. I even set out to make my pasta e fagioli like that one I tasted at five. Not only did those first memories of eating at a restaurant give me my food addiction, but it made me want to become a chef.

I always tell people that I used to get yelled at for playing with my food and now, now I get paid for it.

Unfortunately, for many, there is a dark side to this industry.

I have students and others always ask, “What would you tell someone that wants to be a chef?”

Here it comes…

I answer with seriousness.

“Do you like your family? Do you like working for more than 10 hours at a time with no break? Do you like going out on the weekends? Do you like seeing your friends? Do you like sleep? Do you like pressure? Do you like holidays?”

The list can go on forever.

This line of work is not for everyone.

I have been in it for well over a hot minute and let me tell you, there are days I question what I am doing with my life.

It is not just all of the external pressures we have to face. Not in today’s world. We have owners, chefs, chef owners that think they are G-d’s gift to the industry. They thrive on living on the backs of their staff and reaping the rewards of the hard work of their staff.

There are some that talk about being a mental health advocate and when push comes to shove their true colors come through.

Everyone’s talking about René Redzepi right now.

Like he’s the exception.

Like this is shocking.

It’s not.

He’s not the outlier.

He’s the blueprint.

Kitchens have been running like this long before him.

Long before awards.

Long before social media.

Burn people out.

Don’t pay them.

Tell them they should be grateful just to be in the room.

That’s not a scandal.

That’s tradition.

So the real question isn’t why he did it.

The real question is:

Why do we keep showing up for it?

Why do we line up to work for people like that?

Is it the star?

The title?

The idea that if we suffer long enough, we’ll earn the right to do the same thing to someone else?

When did that become the price of entry?

Then there’s social media.

The reviews from people that have no fucking clue or have no fucking business even writing a review because they feel entitled to do so.

There is the constant pressure of performing at the highest level while trying to maintain your own stress levels.

You have to manage a team of individuals that were drawn to the light of the bug zapper.

You have to manage their mental instabilities and their habits — drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex addictions.

Pray that they show up for work.

Pray they don’t cut themselves.

You wonder which version of the person you are going to get:

Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde.

Then there are the vendors and wondering if what you ordered will actually show up.

If it does not show up then you have to pivot, either you running out to go get the product or hoping and praying that your salesperson can get it for you.

In today’s economy it is not just about food cost. It is about how much pricing changes from one delivery to the next.

There’s a war.

Product disappears.

Prices jump.

Fuel surcharges hit.

It is not only about the price increases, it is about the quality decreases as well.

A chef isn’t just a chef anymore.

They’re a fucking switchboard.

Every problem.

Every failure.

Every fire runs through them.

The Toll

And then there’s the part nobody talks about…

My chest so tight I did not know if my next breath would fill my lungs.

The waves of emotions crashing along my mental seawall — drowning me with pain, helplessness.

The loop.

That constant negative reminder telling me that I would not and did not matter.

The feeling of utter despair.

Feeling I had no meaning nor purpose in the world.

The darkness that surrounded me, engulfed me, almost took me…

We’re not built wrong.

We’re built for chaos, and then punished for surviving it.

Anthony Bourdain said it best:

We are pirates and misfits.

I look at my peers and hear them talk about how the younger generation just does not get it.

They do not have the work ethic like our generation.

Truth be told?

We are jealous.

We are jealous because the younger generations want work/life balance.

They want to be seen, but not at the cost of their physical or mental health.

We see them wanting a “mental health” day as a sign of weakness.

What I see is someone making the call to be a better member of the team.

We are so used to working a minimum of six days a week, 60+ hours, no breaks.

Prep.

Clean.

Set station.

Execute the menu.

Burn ourselves physically and mentally.

Wrap up.

Clean.

Do it all over again the next day.

How great would it be to give your staff two days off per week?

Think about the investment in them.

Herein lies the issue:

Most owners see lost wages paying someone to cover those shifts.

High labor costs.

They do not see the human side of it.

Giving that member of YOUR team, the one helping make money for you, the chance to see their family.

That HUMAN getting to experience other things besides your restaurant.

Let them experience life.

Recharge their battery.

Become the best version of themselves so they can make your guests happier and keep them coming back to spend their hard-earned money with you.

People do not leave bad leaders.

They leave bad bosses.

Bad owners.

Think about this:

Would you treat your guests like that?

You should treat your team members better than your guests because your team will treat your guests the best they possibly can.

Collateral Damage

My father would say he was stuck doing his job because he knew nothing else.

I am not stuck doing something.

I chose this profession because it is my hobby and I do not work a day in my life.

It is when I work for bosses that I find myself needing to find a different home.

It is not about working 90 hours a week to prove something to myself, let alone anyone else.

After as many years as I have been in this industry and all the things I have done, I need only to prove one thing to one person:

That I am the best dad.

I work my ass off because I have a passion for this industry.

I work hard to have guests try my food and experience flavors they never thought would touch their soul.

I became a chef to feed people.

I want to give each person a sensory experience and hospitality because they are choosing to spend their hard-earned cash, and they deserve that.

That is why I became a chef.

It was not because I wanted a James Beard.

A Michelin star.

Awards.

My only award is being there for my daughter.

Everything else?

Replaceable.

Stars fade.

Kitchens close.

Names get forgotten.

But she’ll remember if I showed up.

Or if I didn’t.

And there’s no redo for that.

That’s the job.

Not the food.

So yeah...

you can chase the pirate’s life.

I already know what I’m chasing.

#ChefEvolution #TheSoulBehindTheFlame #Floribbean #MentalHealth #justonelife