Bullets

According to Unbabel, the most complex languages to learn are Mandarin, Arabic, Japanese, and many more. I disagree. Communication itself is the most complicated language to master.

The English alphabet has twenty-six letters; we can all agree on that. Those twenty-six letters combine to become some of the most potent weapons known to man. They hold more energy and power than all the nuclear arsenals worldwide. Think about it: those same twenty-six letters can be arranged to destroy a person and lift them higher in the next breath than they’ve ever been.

As children, our race wasn’t about schooling. It wasn’t about learning everything we could or being the best at this or that. Our race was to become adults. We used to say, “When I grow up, I am going to…” Then we did grow up. And now, as adults, there are more memes than ever about not wanting to be adults anymore. But such is life! According to Monash University, the phrase “such is life” may have been Ned Kelly’s last words before he was hanged. The Cambridge Dictionary states it may have originated from the Latin Sic vita est hominum. Who would have thought you’d be learning that today?

Words cannot kill, but they can inflict a pain so deep that someone may want to die. Those twenty-six letters can ignite emotions that cause people to lose themselves, to spiral out of control. Words can be arranged like bullets, shattering a heart into millions of pieces. The wounds left behind by careless words can create a darkness like no other. And yet, those same letters—rearranged—can lift, heal, and support someone at their lowest.

On my journey to being the best version of myself, I have learned to process what is said to me. This practice gives my mind time to think and lets my emotions flow through me so that I can find the correct response. I realize that setting boundaries is essential to mental health. We have the ability to make our points without destroying the other person. It is not about winning; it is about being happy. Read that again: It is about being happy.

Trust me, I have my share of days when I don’t feel like adulting. Anyone who is an entrepreneur knows that feeling all too well. There are days when every front of life feels like a losing battle—the sense of collapse, loneliness, and the fear that everything you love is fading. You think, I know so many people—surely, they’ll come try my food! Or this is so different; everyone will want to experience it! You constantly ensure you have enough gigs lined up to stay afloat, but financial survival isn’t the only reason we do what we do. Once in a while, you create something for someone, and their response reminds you why you started in the first place. They use those twenty-six letters to lift you.

Ultimately, life would be better if we used what we have more wisely. We have two ears and one mouth—it’s time to use them proportionately. How much better would our world be if we spoke with empathy first? If we asked ourselves how we would react if someone said this to our child, how different would our conversations be before speaking? There’s a saying in the restaurant industry: If you wouldn’t serve it to your mother, don’t serve it to a guest. Why don’t we apply the same standard to our words? If you wouldn’t say it to someone you love, why say it at all?

The next time you have a difficult conversation, remember this: the words you load into your mouth can never be taken back. You have the power to destroy someone—or to lift them. Choose wisely.

My Culinary Journey - I surround myself with people who have been treated negatively yet still have a positive mind!

Yes, I know we are in the middle of a Pandemic. But, right now, in the US, we have an epidemic going on. It is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. Today, September 10th, is International Suicide Prevention Day, and that is why I am so passionate about this subject. It is a part of who I am. In 1988, I was eighteen years old. I can remember this like it was yesterday. I was standing in the kitchen, and my father was arguing with me about the SATs and school. He repeatedly told me that I would account for nothing. I would be nothing. Basically, I was being told that I was a piece of shit. Later that night, after work, I did not drive home but to a local marina. I went there with the intent to end it.

I was going to show my father. I was going to put myself through hell to make sure I stuck it to him! I was going to drive my car into the intercoastal—death by drowning. It happened as the car went down the ramp, and the water began to enter the car. I had this image pop into my head. It was my grandfather. He was going through kidney cancer, and if I did this, I would kill him. I slammed my brakes just in time. The back end started to float a little. I began to panic a little. The car's rear wheels grabbed, and I was able to back up. I did not want my grandfather's death on my soul.

In 2018, I told an abbreviated version of that story, never how I was going to do it. In fact, I have never told that story. I never told the therapist, not even my parents. I just told them I tried. There is a correlation with that year; Chef Anthony Bourdain completed suicide. 

I have been reflecting on why I haven't spoken about it. It is not like I haven't had some hard times since then. Back in 2003, my ex-father-in-law completed suicide. It was his third attempt. Ironically enough, I found out some interesting stuff about my family at that time. You see, one side of my family was asking in-depth questions. The other side was more silent. I found out that the quiet side had not one but two relatives who committed suicide. We lost my Great Uncle and great-grandmother to suicide. I was always told stories about my uncle and how he saved lives. He was a Dr. I did not learn the truth about his death until I was thirty-three.

I feel more compelled to speak outwardly about mental health because of Chef Bourdain. Here is the quintessential thing about Chef: he was the most extraordinary culinary storyteller of our time. He brought people from different backgrounds and used a common denominator to find something to start a conversation. Food was that denominator. Chef taught us and taught me the power food has. Think about this: whenever some great event happens in history, I bet it was over great food. Chef had everything except peace from his demons. We, chefs, looked at Chef as one of us. We let him into our home to listen, to watch. He was like a buddy we would hang out with every week. To this day, his death affects me more than my father's death. I forgive my father for the way I let him treat me as a child. You read that right. Forgiving is power, and I forgive myself for beating myself up. In essence, Chef Bourdain lit a spark under my ass to tell my story. His death may be his most extraordinary story yet. His last story, his death, started a movement about mental health, one that has now spread to many. Think about this: his gift would be to save so many lives. We now have to start the conversation.

Today, September 10th marks International Suicide Prevention. Today, at your family meals, tell a story. Hell, tell mine. Let your staff know it's okay not to be okay. Have this open conversation with your team. Mental health needs to be talked about like any other medical condition.

If real men can eat quiche, then real men can express their emotions. Sharing Our Stories will help chefs and others. It is just about starting the conversation.  

Hello, I am Jeffrey Schlissel, and I almost took my life at the age of eighteen. I am grateful that I am here to tell my story. I have and still am making a wonderful life not just for my family but for others. Those others need to know they are not alone. You are not the only ones to have ever thought this way. You are not a coward for feeling this way. No, you are not insane. You need to express yourself to someone who can help. The reason you think this way is because of how society dedicates MENTAL HEALTH. The perception that culture has currently is what we need to change. "It's okay not to be okay." should be the new norm.

Those of us who have attempted are like the Phoenix. We are alive once more from the ashes of our old life to the fire of this new one.

Life has several ups and downs. It is how we recover from the downs that are our wins. Funny thing, we never have to recover from a win!